WORDS YOU CAN NOT SAY

     George Carlin"s monologue, "The Seven Words You Can Not say on TV," was released in 1972. It was a scandal and almost everyone I know loves it. George challenged authority, concepts of right and wrong and he not only got our attention but made us think. Are those seven words really offensive? Today's rant is about censorship, so if you are easily offended remember the rest of the internet is just one short click away, but you might also remember that you are more likely to find it more offensive than what I have to say.
    I am very much for not offending people, but I am fully aware that everyone is offended by something different. I have religious friends who are far more offended  by words like "Damn" and "Hell" than words such as "Shit" and "Fuck." It's because these words have very real meaning to them. What is acceptable and what is not depends on upon the meaning not that you give it but the meaning that is received. I would like to say that words are only words, but they aren't. Words have meaning. They are symbols. The problem is that we often forget the meaning when we use the word. We are not often referring to a sex act when we used the word "fuck." That is what an expletive is. Sometimes it might seem the best way to express what you are feeling. It is not the best way to explain what you are feeling to someone else, but doing that will require more from you. It can be very satisfying to set loose a little uncontrolled language. Say it with me " Fuck!" Hold the "F" sound out, and emphasize the "K," and release. Didn't that feel good? Yes, you can use other less offensive words, my personal favorite is "Fudge." Not only does it have that same feeling, but fudge is always good, right? The thing is that we all know is that the word is a substitution. Maybe because the word isn't given it's true meaning it shouldn't be offensive, I don't know. I do know that I have had many female friends who might grin and call me "bitch" and I would view it as a term of friendship.
     My niece was taught not to say "stupid" and would use the word "silly" instead. I understand the point of not using hateful language, but sometimes things have been intellectually faulty i.e. stupid. I am not calling something silly when it has the potential of doing harm. It's stupid!
     I have worked in the prison system for eight years and I have told many inmates that they will be judged based on the language that they use, They have so many strikes against them when they are working at starting over, they don't need to add one more. I tell them that I won't be offended by their language but if you broaden they vocabulary they might be better respected by those that they encounter. In return, I try to make sure that my speech isn't affected by those that surround me. It's not always easy, but I do try.
   We all have things that upset us. Those things we silently fear being told. There are things that are truly hurtful, and words with such bad connotations that we don't feel they should ever be used. Instead of banishing them let's make them into teaching opportunities. Explain why the word is bad. Making things "taboo" has never worked. I am afraid that we have begun to fear words more than the meaning behind them. A dear friend of mine said it best, "far more people have been damaged by 'fat' then by 'fuck.'"
    Censorship takes important topics out of conversation. We can't be so afraid of offending people that we don't talk. I fully believe that censorship is the root of  most of our problems today. We are so afraid of mentioning skin color for fear of being called racist that we have a whole generation of people who feel that their problems aren't even being acknowledged. (Yes, this is only one side of the problem, but it is still one side of the problem.) We have become so used to people watching every word that they say, that when someone doesn't he is hailed as a hero. I am not a Trump supporter for many reasons but his uncontrolled speech is one of them. I want someone in office who is better at speaking than I am, someone who controls their temper and doesn't lash out when attacked. (I am still looking for that candidate.)
     I hope that I am never so politically correct that I don't say something that I believe needs to be said. I also hope never to offend anyone with my words. I am not going to shut up so let's hope I am careful. I will try not to offend and you try not to be offended. That is the best we can do.

Who am I?

     I became annoyed with one of my favorite authors the other day. His first non-fiction book was released and I couldn't wait to read it. I wanted to hear more about the man. Instead, what I was reading was mostly book reviews, book intros, and speeches. I wanted more about what the man thought and felt, instead what I got was what he felt about someone else. He even had a chapter with the title, "Who am I" but it was about how different public impressions of authors are often different that the authors themselves, and it was about Terry Pratchett and not Mr. Gaiman. I got so annoyed about hearing about everyone else, that I was annoyed with the book and it's author. I stepped back for a day and I began thinking, that maybe the best way for a writer to explain himself is by explaining his influences. I know that I am just a continuing extension of my past. People and events have accumulated into one me. No one shares all of my past. It is all me.
    So who am I? I am the product of two people who are still in love after almost 60 years together. They raised me with a strong sense of independence and freedom. I can be anyone I want because I am that strong. I have siblings with handicaps who taught me that asking for help doesn't diminish your strength. (I know this to be true, but it is still a hard lesson for me.) I grew up trying to remember to think ahead and that I was smarter than I was willing to believe.
    When I was younger, school left me with doubts about my abilities. But it taught me that there were all kinds of people and so there must be a place for me somewhere. When I got older I learned that I wasn't quite the misfit that I felt, or rather that everyone is. Sometimes I think that not fitting in, is a true gift. It teaches you how to stand alone, and you see the crowds differently than you could if you were part of them.
     Adulthood has taught me that it's okay to not have much but the sense of accomplishment that you get from everything you accomplish will mean much more. You can tell kids this all day long but they will never understand it.
    I have been supported by an amazing bunch of people, who enjoy entertaining new ideas and show respect and tolerance for almost anything that doesn't harm anyone else. I have had amazing men in my life who make me feel that my heart and soul is to be respected and loved.
My world is mine, but it is filled with others. I can stand alone, but I hope I never have to.

Why must we react?

Have we taken the need to participate too far? The old saying was that you were not part of the solution or you were part of the problem. I think maybe we’ve forgotten the crucial step that is in between these two opposing views. We need to take the time to think and reflect. We need to decide that it is okay to not know what is right and what is wrong until time has passed. We have become a nation where, “I don’t know,” isn’t acceptable. You have to pick a side and you have to do it quickly. We need to decide that it’s okay to wait until facts are in and even then to not decide. It’s okay to say, “I am not sure.”

One of the more valuable things that I learned in school was how important it was to see both sides of an argument. One of my classes contained had some lessons in debate, and we actually had to prepare cases for both sides of the argument. I think somehow we have forgotten there are two sides to most issues, and often both sides contain some logic. Mehmet Oz said, “ The opposite of anger is not calmness, it’s empathy.” Empathy may be one of our most powerful tools in life’s toolbox. Instead of the golden rule, I think of it more as a level. We want the little bubble to be in the middle, that’s fair. We are so busy fighting that we’ve forgotten that the bubble only shows when stillness reigns, and both sides work to find the balance.

Next time someone asks you what side you are on, remember that it’s okay to not choose. It’s okay to see that both sides have valid points and to feel bad for the “wrong” side.