One minute at a time

         My niece living here has been a challenge. I always thought that parents were amazing in their ability to keep up with their children. I have always been amazed at the single-parent families that I knew. Years ago I decided this was a group that I didn't want to join. I decided that I didn't have the patience or energy for a child and I have never regretted that choice. Sherry is 23 but that doesn't seem that much easier. I am always doubting if I am pushing her too hard or not enough.
     It's been almost two weeks and I debate every minute if we are doing okay. I know that jobs service was fabulous. They set her up with Dress for Success and she received a jacket and a shirt. They have her set up with vocational rehab next week. I have got her a cell phone as well as a three-month bus pass. Today we got her a replacement social security card in route. I have written down the house rules and I am doing my best to make sure they are followed without constant reminding. I hate people who nag and I refuse to. I need to find an acceptable punishment that makes these things her responsibility and not mine. I am hoping to get us to join a group that helps the disabled become more independent. If anything I need someone who understands her capabilities and can help me determine what is right. I am going to ask her to formulate her idea of "success." I think it will help me to help her. I don't want to underestimate her abilities, but the autism spectrum wants to close a person in on themselves. It is difficult to allow someone to shut themselves out of society when you know that communication is essential to life. She has made a few phone calls and I am trying to make sure that she takes the lead when we enter a business. In turn, I have let her have a small space and I am essentially letting her live in the room with little contact from us. I try to plan out my weekend ahead of time and let her know what is coming. Today I blew the schedule. It was raining and I didn't feel like waiting for the bus. This weekend I also wanted her to deliver applications to the Youth Ranch which she doesn't want to do. This maybe where she is going to go for voc-rehab so I may relent. I also would like her to get a job with them because they have two stores very close to the house. I think if I take it slower at let voc-rehab help her with some of these early steps she might have more success. It is a minute by minute struggle to decide does she need more challenges, am I not helping enough. I want her to succeed but I know her success and mine are not the same. I want her to know that she needs to ask for help it will make life easier. I want her to know that there are consequences to her behaviors but I don't think that failure has taught her much. I just hope that a taste of independence will make her hungry for more.