The balance of the house has shifted. It felt like it was going to topple over, out of control, but I am starting to see maybe the foundation has enough give to maintain its structure even through an earthquake.
For me, a phone call at work is not normal. One from my parents is even more ominous. I heard that my niece, Sherry, has left their house sometime during the night Thursday and is apparently on her way to my house. They have no idea what her method of transportation is or when she should arrive. I quickly tell my workers that they have to go "home" so that I can leave. My thoughts are running everywhere. Did her cousin pick her up? Is she okay? What should be my reaction when I see her? When I got home I see a bike parked in the driveway. I walked into the house and see a couple of bags on the couch. No Sherry yet, but at least I'm pretty sure that she's okay. I check on the boyfriend who is still asleep and try to explain what I know. I then call my mother and let her know that she is here somewhere. Mom tells me that she got picked up by some nice lady and dropped off at my place and the lady called mom. Sherry had also called mom from my house saying that she was okay. She came in with doughnuts from the grocery store a few minutes later. I ordered her to the car and headed straight to Mc Donald's. My thinking was that if I stayed home I would yell, she would cry and neither one of us would achieve anything. I thought that if I went somewhere public we both might do a little better maintaining our composure and communicate better. She had called and asked if she could stay with me while she job hunted twice, once just a few days before. To her credit, she knew that she had screwed up the situation bad enough that she might not have a place to live. I chose not to ask if she had an alternative plan if she couldn't stay with me. I believe that she had some other idea, but I don't think I would have approved of it. Sometimes it is better not to know. I had so many problems with someone leaving a house at some bizarre hour for about a 45-mile bike ride without even a cell phone let alone actually informing people who have never not helped her. I work in a prison and anyone biking alone without any method of communication is a situation for serious trouble, but you can't explain concepts of victims to people who aren't willing to listen. It came down to deciding that she was staying with me on a trial period and we would need some serious signs that she was trying to grow up.
Sherry has some level of autism. She has difficulty dealing with other people because she lacks a level of empathy. She is most happy when she is alone with her manga and her computer. Finding her first job was close to impossible for someone who is very bad about hiding their feelings. She was living in a very small town with her grandparents and life is hard when people live together but can't seem to find mutual ground no matter how hard they try. Boise does offer more opportunities but it also has many more people and many more scary new problems. She has no license because driving is scary. I think that a small town is easier on a young kid, but Emmett might be too small.
Tomorrow is Wednesday so it's been almost a week. I have come to the conclusion that best way to handle things is to do my best to treat her like an adult. She needs to learn to fail. I am not cooking her dinner, telling her when to eat or what she needs to do. I have told her that she needs to learn to take care of herself. I am not going to clean up after her and she doesn't have to clean up after us. I want her to focus on getting a job and figuring things out. I have most of this all written up, but I choose not to give it to her yet we have all had a long week. This week she spent about 3 hours with the wonderful people at Boise Job Service. They even had her speak to someone who deals with people with disabilities. For her to have to communicate with people that she doesn't know was hard. I fought with myself on how much input I should have in this process and I did let her handle the whole thing by herself. They did eventually call me back for some info, but they were awesome. They set her up with Dress for Success, a job seekers booklet (which I hope she reads), and an application for Idaho Youth Ranch. My hope is that they convinced her that her first job would not be some well-paying thing where she could just sit behind a computer. I put $10 on my library card and gave it to her to use. We all have computers including her, but my printer isn't working and she can do that from the library, also I have a branch within walking distance. We got her a 3-month bus pass and she can go anywhere she wants. Job Service taught her to read a bus schedule, but I will ride with her once so we get the feeling without the anxiety. I haven't ridden a city bus since I was about 10. We will make copies of the application because it seems Idaho Youth Ranch is looking for help all over town. We made a trip to Emmett to pick up some things and my parents were far nicer than necessary. She can not find her social security card so we have to apply for a replacement. I feel that there are already a lot of challenges but she is meeting them and I think feels like she is getting there. She is not thrilled with her tiny space in this small house but frankly, I don't want her to be terribly comfortable. If she doesn't succeed I want the experience to have taught her something. I want to push a little harder, but I know that I am tired and need my days off. I have to get my car in for some work and a few other appointments on Thursday so we may take tomorrow off for recovery as I have to go back to work on Friday. All in all, I feel that we might all survive.
My boyfriend is the real hero. He didn't sign up for any of this and is handling it all. He understands family can be hard but they are important. He is making sure that I am taking care of myself and is even nicer to our cat who is totally freaking out and hiding/sleeping all day and running around on the bed at night. It might be a blessing that we all anti-social people and happy in our own worlds. Sherry is already tired of sports and football season hasn't even started. She has my Netflix password and is living in the tiny space available but, we will survive together, how much better could it be than that?
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