Joe,
I saw the shrink yesterday. It was awful. At first she pretty much just kept staring at me, and waiting for me to talk. She finally asked me about sleep and I told her that I was having a hard time staying awake to even read a story. She asked about who I hung out with and I had to tell her I really didn’t know anyone. I suppose I could’ve made up a few, but I didn’t think fast enough. I have talked to a few people but there’s no one I here that I would consider a friend. I said it was the medication, that I was having a hard time focusing on conversations without falling asleep. She said that she’d decrease it, but I’d have to talk to her again soon to see how it was affecting me. She also told me that I should try to get out of the cell more and try to talk to people. At least that’s done. We’ll see how well I do after they reduce the stuff.
Still Crazy Cabot
Joe,
The medication is wearing off a little and I started talking to the guy that lives next door. I know that shrink is going to ask who I’ve been talking to and I suck at lying. Turns out, Jimmy’s okay. He’s is in for dealing drugs. He’s new here too, but he’s not very upset about being here. He’d started selling drugs a few years ago because his mom had a drug habit, but says he never used. His life and mine were totally different out on the streets, but I guess they’re more alike than ever these days. He’s almost happy to be here. He says after he’s been here a while that he plans on getting into the GED classes because he dropped out when he was thirteen. Then he wants to take some of the vocational classes. I can’t believe it, but this guy sees prison as a chance to start life over! Obviously we have alot of differences in how we grew up. I mean, can you imagine what mom would have said if I said I wanted to drop out of high school at thirteen? I don’t think I even thought it was even an option. Well it really wasn’t, but then again that’s when I had old lady Tuttle for English. You remember her, she used to get that hacking wet cough. It was so gross! I think I skipped two classes just because of her. Jimmy’s life sounds like hell to me but he is sure it’s going to get better now. I wish I had his optimism. I mean the fact that I lost a full ride scholarship by coming to prison after my nineteenth birthday seems awful, but when I start thinking of the future I have no idea where to start. Is it getting out of here? Is it finding a job as a convicted felon? Is it trying to face people that know what happened? I don’t even know what the future is. I never realized how good I had it until it all got taken away from me.
Jeremy the privileged?
Marcia wondered how much time occurred between these two letters. She suspected the second might have been a few weeks later than the first. It was the first time that she’d been able to check for a time frame. She smiled as she remembered Jeremy’s first visit to her office. She was always surprised how young some of these guys seemed. Jeremy seemed no older than sixteen. His hair was still wet when he arrived and it looked like he combed it, but he needed to visit the barber not because it was long, but she could tell it had some shape, but was now just shaggy. Marcia saw it as a good sign when the guys tried to clean themselves up before they came down to her office. However Jeremy used every fiber of his being to communicate that he didn’t want to communicate. His stiff posture had him locked on the edge of the chair. His fingers were white where he gripped it. Jeremy had told her the bare minimum that he thought he could get away with and practically run out of her office when he had the chance. She could tell he was receiving too much medication and she wondered how he had slipped through the cracks. They were supposed to visit with everyone receiving medication within a month after their arrival. It had been almost three months since Jeremy arrived. Marcia looked at the letters one more time and wrote. LESS MEDICATED, ADAPTING, DEVELOPING EXTERNAL CONCERNS, AT LEAST CONTEMPLATING POSSIBLE FUTURES
Joe,
I had to go talk to the shrink again yesterday. Ugh! She did seem friendlier this time, but she’s still scary because she represents everything that I hide. I talked about making friends with Jimmy and I talked to her about my cellie and how crazy he makes me. I said that I thought that I was doing better with the medication now, and she asked me if I wanted to reduce it again. I said no. I told her it was hard to sleep some nights, but I felt more in control now. That may have been a lie. I don’t feel like I’m in control, but prison helps with that, because I have so little that I can control it isn’t hard. The main thing is avoiding thinking too much. Anyhow, she agreed to let me keep taking medication that I have now. She said that I did look better, it made me feel like I was five. I told her that I felt better, and so we’re all better now, Right? Ha, now that’s funny!
All cured now,
Jeremy
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